i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
