I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do vagina's smell?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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