i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
