dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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