What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
