I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
