I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
