with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
