still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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