I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
