I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
