stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
