Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
