your parents love me but you hate me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
