drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I AM VODKA MAN
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
