idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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