I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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