a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
