i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
