It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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