I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
