The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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