everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
