I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
