It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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