maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
