Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
