Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
