tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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