drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
NoShamevember. You game?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
