dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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