I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
