oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
