i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
