It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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