I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
