why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
