I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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