i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
