I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
