I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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