We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
