Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
