I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
