My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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