I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
