She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
