My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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