Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
