Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
