Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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