I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
